Hey, You Wanna Get High With Me? Elmo

So, this really isn't big news. It's not even anything new. However, I'm still incredibly entertained by the news that Elmo dolls have been used to smuggle crystal meth. Now I understand why mothers fistfight each other at 6AM in Toys R Us for these things.


...Stupid joke?!...Well. Ok. Ok, yeah. Yeah, you're right. That was a terrible joke (expect to hear it in Jay Leno's monologue tonight).


But seriously, this news story has amused me on and off all day today. I'm not exactly sure what about it makes me laugh so much, but it's definitely not that a toy was used to smuggle drugs. It's not that the toy was Elmo. It's not that Elmo is a drug mule and that conjures up weird images of Elmo in a bathroom struggling to either vomit or crap out a latex glove full of meth. Well, ok, that makes me laugh a little bit too. I think what has caused the most immature giggling on my part are two pictures I've seen of DEA agents at a press conference accompanied by Elmo himself.

I don't know what's funnier to me. The fact that these very official looking men are making official statements to the press with a Sesame Street character best known for laughing like a raving lunatic, or the expression on Elmo's face. It's probably a mix of both.

In the first picture, it looks like Elmo is shocked and embarrassed because of how many people were there to hear the charges being brought against him, or shocked because he saw his parents in the audience, or maybe shocked because the guy behind the podium has his hand up Elmo's ass. The second picture looks like they brought Elmo in while he was still high on something (what with the bug eyes and lack of teeth). Either that, or Elmo was locked in the most intense staring contest ever with the cameraman who took the picture. And also, the man in the center of the second picture has a look on his face that is so distinct that I can almost hear what he's thinking as he tries to slink away and hide out of pure shame. "Dammit, Frank. I told you bringing that stupid doll for dramatic effect was a terrible idea. He just keeps laughing and yelling his name. And you wonder why no one takes us seriously?!"

Oh, Elmo. You crazy red-furred meth addict, you.