Funny Quote From bash.org

This one is to all the decent guys out there who inexplicably get passed over for assholes and have no recourse but to shake their head in confusion and disbelief.


DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.


Hah.

Why I Will Not Pursue A Career In Medicine

For those of you who know me, you are more than likely aware of the fact that I'm not sure about what I want to do with my life as far as careers go. I'm one of the many young adult (or old children, depending on how you look at it) that are going through the proverbial search for oneself and the path in life that will ultimately lead to some sort of meaning and fulfilment. Unfortunately, I have yet to see the light and am still in limbo as to where I would like to focus my efforts and energy. However, I do know what I don't want to do. So, although I don't know what I want to do, I'm steadily whittling the list down through a process of elimination.


My mother is a doctor and owns/operates her own medical clinic. I've been very lucky to be able to see firsthand what it takes to become and maintain a career as a medical doctor. Being a foreign medical graduate--she was already a practicing physician in the Philippines before my family decided to move to the United States--my mother took a different route than one that I would take, were I to go through medical school. However, I would still have to go through the same headaches and troubles that she puts up with in her practice. I also question the dedication I would be able to put in for a career in medicine. I couldn't see going through incredible amounts of school and training for something that I did not have a passion for. Every so often, something happens that makes me re-examine the possibility of following in my mother's footsteps and I go through the process of wondering if maybe this is my calling. I do have a deep appreciation for what (most) doctors do. To dedicate ones life to the health and well-being of others is as honorable and admirable as anything a person can choose to do with their time in this life. And even if it means putting your brain into a blender and going through rigorous schooling and subsequent training, and working yourself to exhaustion day in and day out, it all seems worth it when you think of all the lives you can truly touch and change for the better.


And right as I felt like I reached an epiphany, my mother's medical assistant walked into the room.

"Doctor, Mr. Lopez is here for an anus check."



And in a flash of light, the first epiphany was stomped to death by a second epiphany.


Oh yeah. That's why I decided not to become a doctor. Because if I ever heard someone say that to me, my reply would most definitely be, "Fuck that. Mr. Lopez can check his own anus. Here, he can even borrow my equipment. It's almost lunchtime, are you crazy? Tell him to take himself and his anus to another doctor. And while you're at it, put up a sign in the lobby that says that I reserve the right to refuse services that include checking gross shit. Thanks. Hold my calls, I'm off to lunch."

The Most Powerful Force On The Planet: The Cuteness Of Children

If you've ever walked into a bank, or supermarket, or generally any place where it's clear that you will have money on hand, you have undoubtedly been approached by a wide variety of people selling something or asking for a donation. Some people are very generous and always give at least a little bit. I'm not very proud in saying that I am definitely not one of those people. In my defense, I use my debit card so much that I usually don't have cash on hand. That, and I'm a selfish prick.

Well, today was slightly different. I stopped by the bank to make a quick deposit, and as I approached the front door I noticed that two little girls were selling Sees chocolate bars. I walked into the bank and deposited the money, and as I walked out I reached into my pocket to get a dollar handy to support the little girl's trip to Disneyland or girl scout camp or whatever she was raising money for.

I stepped towards her, and extended the one dollar bill. She looked back, and with the most innocent and sweet voice she said, "Actually, it's two dollars."

I was stunned. This is my internal dialogue that immediately followed:

Two dollars? When I was kid, we sold those things for just one. I'm being scammed, aren't I? I can't terminate the transaction now, it's already in motion and if I make this girl cry she may use that as leverage to take my entire wallet away from me. Seriously though?! Two dollars? It's not even that big of a chocolate bar! It's probably really only worth fifty cents! If only they weren't so adorable. If this was some pimple-faced teenage punk selling me Snickers to fund his trip to Yosemite, I'd have no problem snatching the dollar back and walking away. But, as it is, this little girl is giving me that doe-eyed look and it's rendered my legs temporarily paralyzed. If she says something like, "Pwetty pwease, mistuh. I been twying all day to waise money foh my twip to dah petting zoo. I wanna pet dah bunny wabbits, mistuh. Pwease don't take that away fwum me," I might just cut her a check for every penny I have.

At this point, I noticed in my peripheral that the three year old was moving in, box of chocolates held up by both hands because it was too heavy for just one, extended towards me. I quickly searched my pocket for another one dollar bill to complete the payment for the first chocolate bar. I felt a bill in my hand and pulled it out. It was a 1. Immediately after I confirmed that I had the right bill in hand, I noticed the 20 I also had in my pocket was gently floating down to the sidewalk. Like sharks smelling blood in the water, the little girls' eyes lit up and they started to inch closer for the kill. I quickly snatched the 20 out of mid-air, handed over the $2, took a candy bar, said thank you, turned around and started running away as fast as my feet could take me.

On the car ride home, I laughed once I realized what just happened. I was almost taken down by a professional. And the scary thing is, those girls couldn't have been older than 3 and 6, but they already knew how to use their adorableness to manipulate males into buying overpriced candy.

So to all males out there, young and old...

Beware: Two females. Ages 3 and 6. Spotted near banks. Authorities say they are armed with chocolates and considered extremely adorable. Identifying marks are unicorns and rainbows. Proceed with caution.