The Most Powerful Force On The Planet: The Cuteness Of Children

If you've ever walked into a bank, or supermarket, or generally any place where it's clear that you will have money on hand, you have undoubtedly been approached by a wide variety of people selling something or asking for a donation. Some people are very generous and always give at least a little bit. I'm not very proud in saying that I am definitely not one of those people. In my defense, I use my debit card so much that I usually don't have cash on hand. That, and I'm a selfish prick.

Well, today was slightly different. I stopped by the bank to make a quick deposit, and as I approached the front door I noticed that two little girls were selling Sees chocolate bars. I walked into the bank and deposited the money, and as I walked out I reached into my pocket to get a dollar handy to support the little girl's trip to Disneyland or girl scout camp or whatever she was raising money for.

I stepped towards her, and extended the one dollar bill. She looked back, and with the most innocent and sweet voice she said, "Actually, it's two dollars."

I was stunned. This is my internal dialogue that immediately followed:

Two dollars? When I was kid, we sold those things for just one. I'm being scammed, aren't I? I can't terminate the transaction now, it's already in motion and if I make this girl cry she may use that as leverage to take my entire wallet away from me. Seriously though?! Two dollars? It's not even that big of a chocolate bar! It's probably really only worth fifty cents! If only they weren't so adorable. If this was some pimple-faced teenage punk selling me Snickers to fund his trip to Yosemite, I'd have no problem snatching the dollar back and walking away. But, as it is, this little girl is giving me that doe-eyed look and it's rendered my legs temporarily paralyzed. If she says something like, "Pwetty pwease, mistuh. I been twying all day to waise money foh my twip to dah petting zoo. I wanna pet dah bunny wabbits, mistuh. Pwease don't take that away fwum me," I might just cut her a check for every penny I have.

At this point, I noticed in my peripheral that the three year old was moving in, box of chocolates held up by both hands because it was too heavy for just one, extended towards me. I quickly searched my pocket for another one dollar bill to complete the payment for the first chocolate bar. I felt a bill in my hand and pulled it out. It was a 1. Immediately after I confirmed that I had the right bill in hand, I noticed the 20 I also had in my pocket was gently floating down to the sidewalk. Like sharks smelling blood in the water, the little girls' eyes lit up and they started to inch closer for the kill. I quickly snatched the 20 out of mid-air, handed over the $2, took a candy bar, said thank you, turned around and started running away as fast as my feet could take me.

On the car ride home, I laughed once I realized what just happened. I was almost taken down by a professional. And the scary thing is, those girls couldn't have been older than 3 and 6, but they already knew how to use their adorableness to manipulate males into buying overpriced candy.

So to all males out there, young and old...

Beware: Two females. Ages 3 and 6. Spotted near banks. Authorities say they are armed with chocolates and considered extremely adorable. Identifying marks are unicorns and rainbows. Proceed with caution.